Itâ€™s been a while since Iâ€™ve written anything at the thang. Sure, Iâ€™ve had a lot of things going on but mostly I attribute it to the fact that Iâ€™ve got issues with long term commitment. Itâ€™s true. Itâ€™s not only men that have problems with this area but women too.
Donâ€™t worry, I donâ€™t have difficulties in committing myself to my husband or children, although some days are easier than others, I have problems in committing myself to projects or passions.
Have you ever watched Oprah or some such show where they talk about living your best life? Usually they say, â€œDo what you love! Find your passion and you will be happy!â€ I just watch those shows and think to myself, â€œWhat the hell (thatâ€™s for you Jacob) would that be?â€
Sure, there are things I love; chocolate, mysteries, shopping, running, writing, and a lot more. I just donâ€™t know if I want to pick one of those things and devote any passionate energy to them.
Iâ€™ve met people that are willing to do that. People who say, â€œCooking is my passion.â€ Or â€œI live to scrapbook.â€ I wish I could relate to them but I feel a kind of mental disconnect. I just canâ€™t see defining myself by a hobby or a past-time. I really, really wish I could though.
This very issue is why my husband often calls me the Hobby Goblin. For those of you who havenâ€™t heard this nickname before let me explain: it means I pick a hobby, I find out all about it, buy all of the supplies, really get in to it for awhile then, after Iâ€™ve chewed it up I spit it out. See, itâ€™s the commitment issue.
One good thing about my â€œproblemâ€ is that I usually come back to a hobby after a little bit. Maybe this is a new beginning for me and the thang, then again maybe not (I donâ€™t want to make any commitments here).
Does anyone else have problems with finding a passion in their life? Maybe I have an honest-to-gosh mental disorder that can be found in the psychology books.
Or maybe Iâ€™m being too hard on myself. Maybe my passion right now is for my husband and growing children. Once theyâ€™re all out the door (um, I donâ€™t mean Geoff) maybe Iâ€™ll have the energy to commit myself to loom weaving or maybe Iâ€™ll make macramÃ© hangers for everyone I know.