A wonderful thing has happened to my family in the past 6 months. We got tivo! Some of you may be thinking, “Finally, you people are Neanderthals.” And some of you might be thinking, “What’s tivo?” For the uninformed among us tivo is a little box called a dvr that sits on top of your tv and records television programs. It’s great if you hate commercials as much as I do. You can fast forward through those babies and you spend at least 1/3 less the time it would normally take to watch a tv show.
Since we’ve gotten this service I’ve occasionally gone through the program guide on the tv and recorded upcoming shows and movies that look interesting to me. One thing I enjoy is recording movies that I never got to watch as a kid for one reason or another. Now I can record them from the tv and they’ve already been edited for television.
One such movie I’ve recently recorded is Stephen King’s “Pet Sematary”. You’re probably wondering why I would want to record a show like that. Mostly it was because my parents wouldn’t let me watch stuff like that when I was a kid and now I’ve found my chance. Also, I kind of like scary movies (here I must insert, not the gory thrasher or satanic type) and there is a plethora of them now being shown on tv that I missed when I was younger and they were out in the theatre.
Pet Sematary has been on my tv for a few weeks and today I was finally able to find time when all of the impressionable minds in my house were either sleeping or at school. I sat down with a monstrous ;) pile of laundry to fold and pushed play. It was a movie that I felt taught me many wonderful lessons that I can apply in my life and I wanted to share them with you today.
First, you really should have your wife look at the house you just bought and are moving your family into. She probably would have told you that it’s a bad idea to buy a house that is within yards of a road that has 18 wheelers barreling down it at 90 miles an hour every 10 seconds, especially if you have toddlers in your family.
Second, if you are a doctor and one of your dead patients grabs your arm and gives you a message you might want to listen to what this guy has to say. If you then start having dreams about this same patient and it seems like he is giving you lots of specific warnings then you REALLY might want to heed them.
Third, if the creepy old man that lives across the street drags you into the forest to an area that the previously mentioned dead guy told you not to go into you might want to stop and ask your neighbor a few questions. This might be really important considering you are dragging the family cat (that is now road kill) in a black plastic bag behind you.
Fourth, if the old man across the street tells you that you just buried your cat in a soured Indian burial ground that brings dead things back to life and the dead family cat shows up the next day with glowing eyes and stinking like the pits of hell you might want to consider whacking him with the nearest shovel. Do this before the cat has a chance to scratch you senseless.
Fifth, resist the urge to bury any of your family members in that cemetary no matter how much you may want to. Try to remember how the cat came back different and not in a good way. This will also happen to any humans you might happen to lay to rest here.
Sixth, if you choose to ignore the fifth piece of advise and bury a loved one there you might want to avoid that person at all costs. Here comes trouble would be an understatement in this situation. Contact with this person will probably cause you to end up in the pet cemetery yourself.
Ok, that’s it. Those are life’s lessons learned from Pet Sematary. You might completely disagree with me and that’s your prerogative. I’m just sayin’ that following those six simple rules might help you live a more successful life.