I know, I know, I’m having a really crass week but I thought I would add one more post to the list. Here goes…
I hate snot and boogers. I am not a weak stomached person normally. Barf, pooh, blood, and guts usually don’t bother me, but not snot. Nothing gets my gagging faster than boogers. I’ve always been this way. I can remember watching kids picking their noses in elementary school and being completely grossed out.
It’s been a while since I’ve had any snotty experiences but I’ve had two in the past two days. I guess when it rains it pours. Yesterday when I was walking the kids who live on our street to the bus stop I noticed the youngest member of the group hanging back. When I walked back to find out why she was walking so slowly I noticed that her face was covered in snot. She said she needed a tissue and of course there wasn’t one for miles.
I grabbed the end of her shirt, wiped off her face and told her no one would have to know. Then I noticed that she had big, snotty boogers all over her hands. That’s when the gag factor kicked in for me. You know, the kind of gagging that sounds like a cat trying to barf up a hairball. Anyway, I told her to wipe her hands on the grass and then I doused us both in the hand sanitizer that happened to be dangling from her backpack. Phew! Made it through that one.
Well that was yesterday and lucky me, I got to be involved in another snot fest today. I was volunteering in my daughter’s first grade class and the teacher asked me to take one of the reading groups out to the library where we would read a story together. When we sat down at the table I notice that the kid sitting directly across from me has a snot screen on one of his nostrils. You know the kind that covers the whole nostril and moves in and out with the child’s breath. My eyes narrowed and I tried to keep my eyes off that nostril. It was of no use my eyes were drawn back to that nostril over and over again..
Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore I said to the kid, “Hey bud, why don’t you run up to the librarian and ask her for a Kleenex?”
He looked at me and said, “I don’t need a Kleenex.”
“Oh yes you do!” I replied. He jumped up and thankfully the snot was diverted.
I have one last snot story for you. This is the grandmother of all my snot stories. It’s so gross I don’t even like to think about it. Deep breath and here goes…
One Sabbath day I was sitting in the overflow of the chapel during sacrament meeting with my husband and 2 young daughters. I’ll confess I was zoning out until I heard a loud sneeze, a snap, and my 2 year old daughter doing this moan, scream thing. I look over at her and much to my horror I see her bending over and hanging from her nose are 2 of the longest snot fangs I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s disgusting!
I hurriedly search through my diaper bag for Kleenex but I come up empty handed. I look around to all of my neighbors, who are staring wide eyed at us, and ask for a tissue. There are no tissues to be found.
I’m running out of time. If I don’t hurry I know that snot is going to be everywhere when she tries to claw if off her face. Suddenly I know what I have to do. I take a few deep breaths and a feeling of peace comes over me. I take my hand and I use my fingers to wipe that snot off her face. I jump up with my handful of snot and race to the nearest bathroom, all the while making the cat barfing up a hairball sound.
When I returned to my seat I look at the lady sitting next to me and say, “I think that was the grossest motherhood moment I’ve ever had.”
She looked at me and said, “And you got through it!”
So there you have it. I hate snot. I think I need to go lie down for a while.