Darth Vader slept in my bed last night. I, on the other hand did not sleep in my bed last night — not much anyway. Ok, I’ll be honest with you, it wasn’t the real Darth Vader, but I think the version that slept in my bed last night was a little bit scarier than the real one. He would slowly lull you to sleep with the deep “sshhhh, hooo, sshhh, hooo” of his breath and once you were dancing with the sandman, Darth Vader would let loose with a loud “SNORT!” and you’d be up and at ‘em. It was a terrorizing strategy that he successfully used throughout the night. My Darth Vader has a much harder time competing with the real Darth Vader in the appearance category though. It’s hard to look scary in shorty batman pajamas, although the glow in the dark bat on his chest does help. If you must know the identity of my Darth Vader I’ll tell, it’s no secret, it’s my 3 year old son.
I am also married to a Jedi Master who makes Yoda look like a preschooler in the ways of the force. You don’t believe me, let me give you a few examples. First, I am convinced that each night before bed he works the force upon the brains of my children. He slowly walks up to their doors and whispers, “You will not wake your father during the night.” quick wave of his right hand. “If you need help of any kind you must first turn to your mother,” quick wave of his right hand. He then quietly and quickly walks away to his night of peace and rest. Now you would think that was plenty but it’s not all! He also wraps himself in some kind of force field that repells children during the night. It works like this, when anyone gets near enough to possibly wake him the force field hurls the child across the bed causing said child to stick to me as if attached by velcro FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT!
I know what your thinking, “Wow, how does this woman get any sleep?” But there’s more, plenty more! I also live with several princesses who feel that I’m there only hope during the night, their only hope for water, a snack, stories, you name it. They know it’s useless to wake the Jedi Master from his unnaturally deep sleep, even if they could the forcefield would hurl them across the room sticking to me for who knows how long. It’s just easier for all of us if they come to me first.
I know there has been an extreme amount of excitement about Star Wars 3 coming out but I really haven’t been able to muster up much enthusiasm for the movie myself. Why bother when I live it every night anyway? Besides, once the lights went out I’d probably fall asleep anway… at least until someone had to go potty.