Yep, ask any my kids who daddy loves the most in the world and that would be their answer. Ask them who mama loves most in the world and the answer would be “daddy”. My kids assume that’s the way it is supposed to be and they are right. Further, they tell me they are quite happy with these facts.
I work from home and as I passed through the family room heading to the kitchen for a snack this afternoon Kristen told me I might be interested in the topic on Oprah. She was right. I only saw the last 15 minutes of the show but apparently a woman wrote an article in the NY Times (or somewhere) about how her husband came first for her and that the kids were second. She explained that she loved her husband even more than them.
No big deal, right? Wrong. Apparently large portions of the women in America are up in arms over such heresy. Such blasphemy! I won’t go into detail of how truly annoying I found many of the comments from the “kids come first crowd”; suffice it to say that I think they are… err… wrong.
The marriage is the heart of the family. If the marriage is not strong the family is not strong. If the heart in a body has problems the whole body has problems. In our family the message we want our kids to clearly get from us is that no matter what, mommy and daddy love each other and are a team. The message that follows is that their parents both deeply love them and are very happy and have answers for how they can be happy for the rest of their lives (and beyond). What could make a child feel better than that?
While I don’t remember the subject of who dad loves most ever coming up in my family growing up, the actions of my father made this crystal clear to me — the marriage came first. (Did I ever mention my mom had a massive and debilitating stroke at the age of 34? Dad is still by her side more than 25 years later…) Kristen was consistently reminded in her family where primary loyalties and love resided with her parents and was very grateful for it too.
One of the attempted trump cards a woman tried to pull in the discussion was asking “how do you think your daughter would respond if you told her you loved her father more than her or the other kids?” I chuckled. I know how my kids would respond (at least in their heads): “No duh.”