In 1994 upon completing our degrees at BYU my husband Geoff and I decided to move to his hometown, San Diego. There he would pursue an MBA at San Diego State and we would start our family, or so I thought. Once we settled in to paradise I thought that I would become pregnant with in a few months of trying. Well, months went by and nothing. The wait was agonizing each month only to be disappointed every time.
After about a year of trying to conceive I had some testing done and was able to get on some fertility drugs, and lo and behold I was pregnant the first month! It was incredibly exciting… our first baby! We immediately told all of our friends and relatives.
I was amazed at how great I felt, no morning sickness, no cravings, just little ol’ me feeling like myself. I couldn’t understand why some women found the first trimester of pregnancy so challenging. Then about 2 months into the pregnancy I started to have some spotting. “This can’t be right,” I thought to myself. I immediately called my doctor’s office and the nurse said that spotting was normal and that I shouldn’t worry about it, just keep an eye on it.
It didn’t get better in fact, it got a little worse. Eventually I asked my husband to give me a priesthood blessing of healing. In the blessing he said that my pregnancy would be fine and that our baby would be healthy. I felt a lot better after the blessing was over and I let myself make plans and dream about the little person in my stomach again.
The next day I miscarried. It was a crushing disappointment to me. “What about the blessing?” I thought. “Was that some kind of cruel joke?” I wondered if my faith was lacking, or maybe my husband misinterpreted what he was supposed to say in the blessing. I wasn’t sure what happened. But one thing I did know was that my faith in priesthood blessings had diminished.
Don’t worry — this is just the first of three related posts and life got much better for us. After another miscarriage we had some medical testing where the doctor’s figured out what the problem was and I was able to conceive and carry 4 beautiful children each to a full-term pregnancy. (Although I have found motherhood to be more challenging than I imagined, I feel it is the most important and rewarding thing I can be doing in my life.)
But my question to end Part One is: Was my experience with a failed/inaccurate priesthood blessing unique? Has your faith been similarly challenged when things did not turn out the way they were promised in a priesthood blessing?