Worst. Parent. Ever.

April 30, 2009    By: Jacob J @ 8:56 pm   Category: Life

Apparently my first grader had to write about what he did for spring break. Yesterday he brought the following paper home in a pile of completed school work, sealing my position as worst parent ever:


  1. Ouch. Who needs a Therapist more after that one?

    Comment by Matt W. — April 30, 2009 @ 9:20 pm

  2. Heh.

    Well your child is an excellent colorer. And the grammar and penmanship are impressive for a 1st grader. You must be doing something right.

    Comment by Geoff J — April 30, 2009 @ 9:50 pm

  3. I’m sorry, but this is hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

    Comment by Hunter — April 30, 2009 @ 11:12 pm

  4. Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings…

    Comment by Peter LLC — May 1, 2009 @ 1:23 am

  5. I love that he had fun even though you never came. Awesome.

    Comment by Rusty — May 1, 2009 @ 5:17 am

  6. The joy of seeing how your son’s mind works has got to make up for every early morning or dirty diaper you ever had to deal with. Worst Parent Ever or not, you must have done something right!

    Comment by Ardis Parshall — May 1, 2009 @ 5:37 am

  7. I suggest you just walk over to the nearest Child Protection Agency and turn yourself in. No sense in trying to avoid them after your son’s teacher got a sense of how evil you really are.

    Comment by rameumptom — May 1, 2009 @ 5:58 am

  8. My wife works in Primary and substitute teaches in elementary schools tells me kids say embarassing things about their parents constantly. Like the Bishopric counselors kids saying “My parents fight all the time.”

    It makes me fear what my five little darlings are sharing.

    Comment by TStevens — May 1, 2009 @ 6:37 am

  9. My daughter told her preschool teacher that her daddy had packed himself a bag and no longer lives with her or her mom.

    I was on a business trip!

    Comment by John Scherer — May 1, 2009 @ 11:02 am

  10. Laughing Out Loud.

    That’s just poetic in its straightforwardness!

    Comment by Ben Pratt — May 1, 2009 @ 11:29 am

  11. Lol, I saw the title and thought this was going to be a post about Lost. Anyway, I think it must be a sign of something positive that he was able to have fun even while waiting for a long time.

    Comment by ZD Lynnette — May 1, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

  12. ha thanks for sharing, this is great!

    Comment by BHodges — May 1, 2009 @ 1:42 pm

  13. Well, thanks for those of you who were able to find a silver lining in this otherwise dark cloud. Every time I read it I can’t believe the comedic genius of the last “it was fun” as the setup for the crushing final sentence. Jack Handy has nothing on that delivery.

    Comment by Jacob J — May 1, 2009 @ 2:06 pm

  14. This reminds me of when I was nursery leader! There are no secrets. Has anyone called Child Protective Services yet?

    Comment by Blake — May 1, 2009 @ 3:36 pm

  15. Tragic comedy! I love it.

    Comment by Kent (MC) — May 1, 2009 @ 4:08 pm

  16. That, my friend, is priceless. I hope that you don’t feel too bad. I think he’ll get over it, by the time he’s forty or so.

    Comment by Keryn — May 1, 2009 @ 10:17 pm

  17. When Art Linkletter hosted the original (and only funny) “Kids Say the Darndest Things”, he once asked the kids, “What did your mommy (or daddy) tell you NOT to say today?”

    I haven’t laughed as hard at anything since then. This came close.

    Comment by Ray — May 2, 2009 @ 12:01 am

  18. Excellent! What are the chances of getting your son to guest post more regularly?

    Comment by BrianJ — May 2, 2009 @ 1:16 pm

  19. He really does have great penmanship, probably better than mine, and his coloring abilities are great. It’s probably because he colors and writes a lot while he’s waiting for you to fulfill your promises.

    Just kidding!

    One thing I know, now that I’m primary chorister the sunbeams can really give up some great info on their parents. I just had one tell me all about her mother’s trials with nursing and how her new baby brother’s pee pee really hurt.

    Comment by kristen j — May 4, 2009 @ 9:15 pm

  20. It is to laugh. Thanks for sharing that, it made my day.

    Comment by Adam Greenwood — June 5, 2009 @ 7:36 am

  21. It’s the stupid father

    Comment by Sepi — June 30, 2014 @ 7:00 am