Pet Sematary: Simple Lessons for a Successful Life

August 22, 2006    By: Kristen J @ 11:29 pm   Category: Life

A wonderful thing has happened to my family in the past 6 months. We got tivo! Some of you may be thinking, “Finally, you people are Neanderthals.” And some of you might be thinking, “What’s tivo?” For the uninformed among us tivo is a little box called a dvr that sits on top of your tv and records television programs. It’s great if you hate commercials as much as I do. You can fast forward through those babies and you spend at least 1/3 less the time it would normally take to watch a tv show.

Since we’ve gotten this service I’ve occasionally gone through the program guide on the tv and recorded upcoming shows and movies that look interesting to me. One thing I enjoy is recording movies that I never got to watch as a kid for one reason or another. Now I can record them from the tv and they’ve already been edited for television.

One such movie I’ve recently recorded is Stephen King’s “Pet Sematary”. You’re probably wondering why I would want to record a show like that. Mostly it was because my parents wouldn’t let me watch stuff like that when I was a kid and now I’ve found my chance. Also, I kind of like scary movies (here I must insert, not the gory thrasher or satanic type) and there is a plethora of them now being shown on tv that I missed when I was younger and they were out in the theatre.

Pet Sematary has been on my tv for a few weeks and today I was finally able to find time when all of the impressionable minds in my house were either sleeping or at school. I sat down with a monstrous ;) pile of laundry to fold and pushed play. It was a movie that I felt taught me many wonderful lessons that I can apply in my life and I wanted to share them with you today.

First, you really should have your wife look at the house you just bought and are moving your family into. She probably would have told you that it’s a bad idea to buy a house that is within yards of a road that has 18 wheelers barreling down it at 90 miles an hour every 10 seconds, especially if you have toddlers in your family.

Second, if you are a doctor and one of your dead patients grabs your arm and gives you a message you might want to listen to what this guy has to say. If you then start having dreams about this same patient and it seems like he is giving you lots of specific warnings then you REALLY might want to heed them.

Third, if the creepy old man that lives across the street drags you into the forest to an area that the previously mentioned dead guy told you not to go into you might want to stop and ask your neighbor a few questions. This might be really important considering you are dragging the family cat (that is now road kill) in a black plastic bag behind you.

Fourth, if the old man across the street tells you that you just buried your cat in a soured Indian burial ground that brings dead things back to life and the dead family cat shows up the next day with glowing eyes and stinking like the pits of hell you might want to consider whacking him with the nearest shovel. Do this before the cat has a chance to scratch you senseless.

Fifth, resist the urge to bury any of your family members in that cemetary no matter how much you may want to. Try to remember how the cat came back different and not in a good way. This will also happen to any humans you might happen to lay to rest here.

Sixth, if you choose to ignore the fifth piece of advise and bury a loved one there you might want to avoid that person at all costs. Here comes trouble would be an understatement in this situation. Contact with this person will probably cause you to end up in the pet cemetery yourself.

Ok, that’s it. Those are life’s lessons learned from Pet Sematary. You might completely disagree with me and that’s your prerogative. I’m just sayin’ that following those six simple rules might help you live a more successful life.


  1. Delightful post. Stephen King is my idea of what a good LDS author should write like (except for the phase he went through with Gerald’s Game and a few others). In the 1980s, my two favorite authors were Stephen King and Bruce R. McConkie, since I found them to write essentially the same message (albeit King was more imaginative).

    Comment by jonathan n — August 23, 2006 @ 8:01 am

  2. I myself find Dean Koontz to emit a kind of gospel, LDS type aura.

    Comment by Doc — August 23, 2006 @ 8:42 am

  3. THat’s hilarious! I think I’ll apply those rules in my life. Maybe I should watch that movie and make Spencer watch it with me!

    Comment by Jamie J — August 23, 2006 @ 9:46 am

  4. Personally, I’m more of a Dean Koonz fan. I had to swear off Stephen King after getting really freaked out after reading one of his books (I don’t remember which one). I really get the warm and fuzzy gospel feel from both of those authors for sure.

    Jamie, I was thinking while I was watching it that Spencer would really enjoy this movie. I’m sure he could benefit from those life lessons but they don’t really hit home with a person unless he actually watches the movie. 17 years later it comes across a little silly, I bet even Spencer could handle it, maybe.

    Comment by Kristen J — August 23, 2006 @ 10:49 am

  5. Well he actually suggested watching Shaun of the Dead (the edited version of course) but he said I have to watch it with him. He doesn’t like zombies. So maybe we’re making progress. At least he’ll watch something!

    Comment by Jamie J — August 23, 2006 @ 3:02 pm

  6. I’ve been wanting to see Shaun of the Dead. I’ve heard it is hillarious. Maybe I’ll watch that and do a life’s lesson post on it. That is making progress I’ll admit it. I wish he’d hurry up though because I think he’d be fun to watch scary movies with.

    Comment by Kristen J — August 23, 2006 @ 3:20 pm

  7. I only want to see Shaun of the Dead because I heard it was funny not because I want to see scary movies. This is not progress because I plan to close my eyes for half of the movie. I am still scared of mirrors in dark rooms and I still thinks things will grab my leg as I am getting into bed.

    Comment by Spencer J — August 23, 2006 @ 7:49 pm

  8. I just want you to go into the bathroom in the middle of the night and stare at yourself in the mirror. I swear no she-demon in a white nightgown will come up behind you and slit your throat. As far as the bed thing goes, can’t you just employ the run and jump method? I really think that will take care of your problem.

    Do you make your wife sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door every night while you huddle in fetal position next to the wall?

    Comment by Kristen J — August 23, 2006 @ 9:16 pm

  9. Kristen, people who look at themselves in mirrors in their room in the middle of the night are just askin’ for trouble. I know I won’t do it!

    Comment by meems — August 23, 2006 @ 11:42 pm

  10. Oh fine. I guess it’s better safe than sorry, right?

    Comment by Kristen J — August 24, 2006 @ 8:34 am

  11. Spencer’s really brave. We watched Shaun of the Dead last night and he did awesome! He even sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door AND the closet doors–open. I wouldn’t do that when I was a kid for a long time!

    Comment by Jamie J — August 24, 2006 @ 2:07 pm

  12. How was Shaun of the Dead? Is it worth watching. I hope I didn’t hurt Spencer’s feelings, I was just teasing him. I did know this guy who actually made his wife sleep next to the door every night because it freaked him out to much to sleep next to it. I always thought he was such a shmuck for doing that.

    Comment by Kristen J — August 24, 2006 @ 5:43 pm

  13. It was funny…we enjoyed it. The cleanflix version is kind of choppy cuz it edits so much out, but it was entertaining. I don’t think you hurt his feelings. Spencer hadn’t read that comment (#8) until just now.

    Comment by Jamie J — August 24, 2006 @ 5:56 pm