I know, I know, I’m having a really crass week but I thought I would add one more post to the list. Here goes…<\/p>\n
I hate snot and boogers. I am not a weak stomached person normally. Barf, pooh, blood, and guts usually don’t bother me, but not snot. Nothing gets my gagging faster than boogers. I’ve always been this way. I can remember watching kids picking their noses in elementary school and being completely grossed out.<\/p>\n
It’s been a while since I’ve had any snotty experiences but I’ve had two in the past two days. I guess when it rains it pours. Yesterday when I was walking the kids who live on our street to the bus stop I noticed the youngest member of the group hanging back. When I walked back to find out why she was walking so slowly I noticed that her face was covered in snot. She said she needed a tissue and of course there wasn’t one for miles.<\/p>\n
I grabbed the end of her shirt, wiped off her face and told her no one would have to know. Then I noticed that she had big, snotty boogers all over her hands. That’s when the gag factor kicked in for me. You know, the kind of gagging that sounds like a cat trying to barf up a hairball. Anyway, I told her to wipe her hands on the grass and then I doused us both in the hand sanitizer that happened to be dangling from her backpack. Phew! Made it through that one.<\/p>\n
Well that was yesterday and lucky me, I got to be involved in another snot fest today. I was volunteering in my daughter’s first grade class and the teacher asked me to take one of the reading groups out to the library where we would read a story together. When we sat down at the table I notice that the kid sitting directly across from me has a snot screen on one of his nostrils. You know the kind that covers the whole nostril and moves in and out with the child’s breath. My eyes narrowed and I tried to keep my eyes off that nostril. It was of no use my eyes were drawn back to that nostril over and over again.. <\/p>\n
Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore I said to the kid, “Hey bud, why don’t you run up to the librarian and ask her for a Kleenex?”<\/p>\n
He looked at me and said, “I don’t need a Kleenex.”<\/p>\n
“Oh yes you do!” I replied. He jumped up and thankfully the snot was diverted.<\/p>\n
I have one last snot story for you. This is the grandmother of all my snot stories. It’s so gross I don’t even like to think about it. Deep breath and here goes…<\/p>\n
One Sabbath day I was sitting in the overflow of the chapel during sacrament meeting with my husband and 2 young daughters. I’ll confess I was zoning out until I heard a loud sneeze, a snap, and my 2 year old daughter doing this moan, scream thing. I look over at her and much to my horror I see her bending over and hanging from her nose are 2 of the longest snot fangs I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s disgusting!<\/p>\n
I hurriedly search through my diaper bag for Kleenex but I come up empty handed. I look around to all of my neighbors, who are staring wide eyed at us, and ask for a tissue. There are no tissues to be found.<\/p>\n
I’m running out of time. If I don’t hurry I know that snot is going to be everywhere when she tries to claw if off her face. Suddenly I know what I have to do. I take a few deep breaths and a feeling of peace comes over me. I take my hand and I use my fingers to wipe that snot off her face. I jump up with my handful of snot and race to the nearest bathroom, all the while making the cat barfing up a hairball sound.<\/p>\n
When I returned to my seat I look at the lady sitting next to me and say, “I think that was the grossest motherhood moment I’ve ever had.”<\/p>\n
She looked at me and said, “And you got through it!”<\/p>\n
So there you have it. I hate snot. I think I need to go lie down for a while.
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