{"id":3315,"date":"2013-07-03T21:27:42","date_gmt":"2013-07-04T04:27:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.newcoolthang.com\/?p=3315"},"modified":"2020-01-09T04:27:08","modified_gmt":"2020-01-09T11:27:08","slug":"a-new-approach-to-modesty-series-uncovering-feminine-modesty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.newcoolthang.com\/index.php\/2013\/07\/a-new-approach-to-modesty-series-uncovering-feminine-modesty\/3315\/","title":{"rendered":"Uncovering Feminine Modesty – New Approach to Modesty Series"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the second post in the New Approach to Modesty series.\u00a0 For post one click here<\/a>.<\/i><\/p>\n

Getting ready for a Mutual activity, Chelsea Anderson<\/a> casually put on a pair of short shorts. \u201cIt never occurred to me that they were inappropriate.\u201d\u00a0 She sat down in one of the few remaining seats, prepared for a lesson from the missionaries.\u00a0 With the last couple of remaining seats to her side, Chelsea overheard the missionaries\u2019 whispered argument over who would have to sit next to her.\u00a0 Although she didn\u2019t hear why they argued, Chelsea figured her immodest shorts caused the argument.\u00a0 \u201cI realized that I was making virtuous young men feel uncomfortable.\u201d\u00a0 Thereafter Chelsea dressed modestly.<\/p>\n

While her story is unique, Chelsea didn\u2019t have to look far for council to mirror.<\/p>\n

Young women, respect your body and help others, particularly young men, maintain virtuous thoughts and actions. (Dress and Appearance: Let the Holy Spirit Guide<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Not only does this sort of council make young women responsible for young men\u2019s actions, but it signals an even greater problem with current modesty rhetoric.\u00a0 But before getting there, we first have to establish what modesty means today.\u00a0 To begin with, modesty rhetoric rarely refers to men.\u00a0 When it does, speakers implore<\/a> men to dress appropriately for sacred ordinances and meetings, leaving references to virtue virtually nonexistent.<\/p>\n

Part of why male modesty rarely focuses on male sexuality could be because male leaders don\u2019t find men sexually alluring.<\/p>\n

\"Impacted\"<\/a><\/p>\n

(hottie?)<\/p>\n

If leaders applied the sexuality standard equally, perhaps the For the Strength of Youth<\/i> pamphlet would read a little differently:<\/p>\n

Do not engage in any activity that might build a visible \u201csix pack.\u201d\u00a0 As soon as you are able, grow a beard.
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\"\"<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

(not-ie)
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\nModesty rhetoric holds women to a much higher standard. In fact, the term feminine modesty might be helpful, since modesty for women seeks to preserve the west’s feminine ideal.<\/p>\n

While church speakers basically agree on what feminine modesty is, they sometimes clash with each other, and themselves, on the details.\u00a0 Some speakers note that modesty doesn\u2019t come down to fabric measurements but then share standardized rules that essentially match measurements to body type.[1]<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0Some note that modesty is about attitude, not dress, but all of them note that dress indicates attitude\u2014and dress guidelines come far more frequently than attitude guidelines.[2]<\/a>\u00a0 Finally, some speakers note that we shouldn\u2019t judge the immodesty of others, while others say we should.\u00a0 Here’s an example too good to go unmentioned:<\/p>\n

We usually have the most impact on those with whom we already have a relationship\u2026you find a moment when you\u2019re alone with the person you need to talk to and then speak simply and honestly. \u201cLook, this is going to be a little awkward for both of us,\u201d you might begin, \u201cbut it would be wrong if I didn\u2019t tell you that your swimming suit is not exactly appropriate for a Church activity.\u201d (More than Hemlines and Haircuts<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Awkward and creepy.<\/p>\n

Sadly, this poor author isn’t an anomaly.\u00a0 In a Mormon Channel podcast<\/a>, two callers asked Julie B. Beck how to encourage immodest members they\u2019ve met to dress more modestly.\u00a0 To her credit, Beck unabashedly told both women that we don\u2019t police others’ clothing.\u00a0 But Beck’s instructions haven\u2019t had much influence (and was not the answer the two women were looking for).[3]<\/a>\u00a0 In fact, some speakers and magazine authors praise instances where members shun immodest members, typically teenagers (more on this next time).<\/p>\n

Even with more Beck-style directives, can we get away from a culture that judges and shames, and then shuns some women?\u00a0 Probably not. \u00a0While we’re commanded not to judge someone by their appearance (1 Samuel 7:16<\/a>; John 7:24<\/a>), modesty rhetoric begins on the premise that a person\u2019s outward appearance gives us a clear indication of their spiritual conviction.<\/p>\n

Our clothing is more than just covering for our bodies; it reflects who we are and what we want to be, both here in mortality and in the eternities that will follow. (Modesty: Reverence for the Lord<\/a>)<\/p>\n

The outward appearance of the temple and the grounds reflect the inner spirit and beauty of the temple. So it is with us. (Arise and Shine Forth<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Outward appearance is often a reflection of inward tendencies. (Looking Toward the Mark<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Does that give individual members permission to judge women by their dress?\u00a0 Not quite.\u00a0 But feminine modesty assumes that men are not wholly responsible for the impure thoughts that a woman\u2019s immodest dress induces in them.\u00a0 Elder Bednar taught<\/a> that when someone gets offended, they choose to be offended. \u00a0Feminine modesty reverses that lesson.\u00a0 When a man gets impure thoughts, the moral blame rests on the woman.<\/p>\n

We are responsible for the effect our dress standards have on others\u2026. It is especially important that we teach young girls not to wear clothes that would encourage young men to have improper thoughts. (The Latter-day Saint Woman, lesson 9<\/a>)
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I wonder if our young sisters realize the temptation they are flaunting before young men when they leave their bodies partly uncovered. (Duties and Blessings of the Priesthood, lesson 19<\/a>)<\/p>\n

For example, [young women] need to understand that when they wear clothing that is too tight, too short, or too low cut, they not only can send the wrong message to young men with whom they associate, but they also perpetuate in their own minds the fallacy that a woman\u2019s value is dependent solely upon her sensual appeal. (Mothers and Daughters<\/a>)
\n<\/a><\/p>\n

The last quote has particular irony considering that other church speakers have suggested that a woman\u2019s dress reflects their spiritual commitment and probable tendencies.<\/p>\n

How we dress affects how people react to us. It also demonstrates where our heart and spirit really desire to be. (Modesty: Reverence for the Lord<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Feminine modesty tells us what\u2019s in an immodest woman\u2019s heart, how she will (likely) act, and that she is responsible for a man\u2019s impure thoughts.\u00a0 If modesty rhetoric does not permit men to judge women by their outward appearance, it doesn\u2019t have to.\u00a0 The concept itself has done all the heavy lifting.\u00a0 Men just have to believe it.\u00a0 It\u2019s time to reimage modesty.<\/p>\n

Next time I will show how modesty rhetoric negatively affects men and even modest women.<\/p>\n

But wait!\u00a0 I’ll soon start showing why modesty can be really good and how we can get the benefits of modesty without keeping the harm.\u00a0 Don’t get turned off by the criticisms just yet.<\/p>\n

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[1]<\/a>\u00a0e.g. :\u00a0Instead of coming up with exact measurements for hemlines and necklines<\/em>, we discussed the principles surrounding modesty and the challenge of finding modest clothing that looks attractive.\u2026 She lives the standard of modesty generously and doesn\u2019t try to alter the rules of dress and appearance.<\/em>\u00a0(Dress and Appearance: Let the Holy Spirit Guide<\/a>)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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[2]<\/a>\u00a0Modesty, therefore, is more than the way we dress.<\/em> It reflects our testimony and the condition of our hearts…. Are we willing to do what it takes to dress modestly<\/em>? (Arise and Shine Forth<\/a>)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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[3]<\/a>\u00a0Spencer W. Kimball is the only speaker to condemn judging others<\/a>\u00a0by their immodest dress that I have found, saying that doing so is an even worse offense than dressing immodestly. \u00a0It’s a pity he doesn’t get quoted for this, but as I hope this post shows, quoting him wouldn’t change much so long as we continue to conceive of modesty in this way.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n