Comments on: Why Marriage?

By: Matt W.

Matt W. — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 15:54:13 +0000

I may truly be mission the point. You say “The purpose of marriage is…” which leads me to believe that marriage is doing something that can not be done in other ways, however, and I agree with you, that any human relationship can teach these lessons and the old SWK [I think] statement comes to mind. While Marriage is part of the means, it is, and I agree with you[I think] , also the end. Marriage here on earth is the means to achieving what? Marriage in eternity. So if marriage is the lesson, then the lesson is not only preparing us for more of the lesson.

So are you saying their is a fundamental difference between marriage now and in eternity?

By: Blake

Blake — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 14:08:06 +0000

Matt: It seems to me that you are right but also missing the point. How can that be? Marriage is the experiential school where we teach one another how have the kind of oneness that befits a celestial relationship. Every teacher is also a student. So marriage is the awesome opportunity to learn to get beyond ourselves. The family is a space of celestial life in the making. I am not yet able to have all things in common with all people. But I give to my children with no expectation of return simply because I love them. That is a Zion economy. I participate in creation and sharing life with those for whom I have a patriarchal duty to provide and care and tenderly nurture. In my experience that is the essence of deity.

Now I don’t mean to exclude those who are single or who long for children. I just have faith that our Father is wilely enough to cook up ways for them to learn the same things. There is more than one way to cook a rabbit. Some of us learn best in this particular school of life; others have chosen another school no less loving and no less effective.

By: Matt W.

Matt W. — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 21:06:58 +0000

Geoff and Blake: I have a point of confusion: In order to enjoy indwelling unity, we not only need to know how to become one with another person, but “doctrinally” (If I can use such a term.) Do we not, in fact, need to actually be one with another person (Celestial Marriage) and have a willingness to have indwelling communion with all people(Charity)? There simply seems to be much more to marriage than merely an educational tool. Like the atonement, if it were only to teach us, I think there must be another way.

By: Geoff J

Geoff J — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 18:48:10 +0000

Hmmm… good thoughts Blake. It seems to me that marriage is the best practice we have on earth for this concept of “indwelling unity” that the Godhead shares. If we are ever to share indwelling unity with God we are going to have to figure out how to become one with another person along the way.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 22:40:20 +0000

One of my favorite movies has this quote in there by a woman who turns down a man who propositions her… a private investigator who is spying on her husband. Turns out her husband is taking ballroom dance lessons and was too embarrassed to tell his wife about it. When she discovers what he is doing, she is embarrassed for assuming that he was cheating on her and for spying on him and she is ashamed and hurt that he didn’t share this with her. But then the moment of truth comes when the private investigator asks her why marriage is so important and she says something along the lines of… “Being married to someone you love and who loves you is having a real eye-witness to your own life… in a way that no one else can ever be…”
She turns down his proposition and stays faithful to her husband… regardless of the fact that she is attracted to the man that propositions her. She realizes that her husband is too important to her to hurt him and she realizes how much he means to her.
I just love the way she says that… that we are a witness to someone else’s life. Even if you live together you can’t be that confirmed witness to someone else’s life… all you are is roommates, not married life partners. Marriage changes you in a way that nothing else does… and sometimes the growth hurts and sometimes it is very good.
I would say that marriage is part of Heavenly Father’s plan for us. It is what He wants for us and for our children. And if we don’t have that chance here, we will someday… and if it is such a huge part of His plan… then that is the most important reason of all…

By: CEF

CEF — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 21:17:59 +0000

There is a neat article about marriage over at the Meridian Magazine web site by Wallace Goddard. Below is something I thought was especially thought provoking.

“When our souls are permeated with accusation and demands, there is no skill that can cover our malice and meanness.
Terry Warner poses a question that invites us to think in a different way. Maybe the key to happy relationships is not finding gentle-sounding ways to request change. Instead, â€œwhat would happen if we dropped all charges against those around us and, for their sakes, happily sacrificed all bitter satisfaction, all retribution, all demand for repayment, all vengeance without regret or second thoughts?â€ (Quoted by Catherine Thomas).
Catherine Thomas observes that we often get it all backwards: â€œMuch of the emotional pain that we have does not come from the love that we were not given in the past, but from the love we ourselves are not giving in the presentâ€ (p. 5)
We need more than a set of skills for expressing discontent and requesting changes. We need a change of heart. The only way to build a truly healthy marriage is by being a truly good person â€” to be changed in our very natures.”

Wally and Terry seem to have a great grasp of grace. :)

He goes on to say that it is only through Christ that one can have such a change of heart. My personal experience has confirmed that to be true.

And yes, I believe that marriage is something ordained by God. Do Mormons have a unique perspective on marriage? Perhaps, but even though other Christians do not believe in eternal marriage, they certainly do seem to think that they will be together as a family forever. I find that interesting.

By: Naismith

Naismith — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 20:12:18 +0000

Do Latter-day Saints have reasons to marry that others do not?

Well yeah. It’s the only way we can get to heaven. It’s required

Is marriage worth it?

I can’t answer that now. I’m pretty ambivalent.

If my husband dumps me for a younger model, it will not be worth it. If I don’t make it to the celestial kingdom, it was not worth it.

But then, I’ve sacrificed a lot more for my marriage than my husband has.

By: J. Stapley

J. Stapley — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 17:58:54 +0000

I think the Mormon view of God potentiates any relationships we have as relationships are what it is all about. That said, is this really by Blake: “to become like our heavenly parent(s)”

By: Matt W.

Matt W. — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:41:02 +0000

Blake: re:I suggest that the purpose of marriage is a school for saints and sharers of the divine nature in-the-making. Do Latter-day Saints have reasons to marry that others do not? Is marriage worth it?

I believe LDS have a reason to marry that others do not, in that marriage allows individuals to magnify themselves to a greater level and enter into a peer relationship with their Father in Heaven.

By: m&m

m&m — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 07:27:56 +0000

Well done, Blake. The gospel definitely gives perspectives on and purposes for marriage that others may not understand. In theory, that should give us more reason to stick with it when and if things get tough, too.

I’ve said that I thought I was a pretty good person until I got married. ;) And then I had children and I knew I really had a long way to go! :)